I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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