When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
