So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
