i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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