Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
