You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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