Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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