the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
