So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
