Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
