she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
