Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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