Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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