I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im part way to drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
