You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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