You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
