the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
