im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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