I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
