he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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