The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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