people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
