I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
BRING THE BAGELS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
