dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
