He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3pm strippers are depressing
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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