oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
