i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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