Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
