her vagina looked like bernie madoff
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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