Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
