I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
