He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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