You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
