i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
