Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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