somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Floor bacon is actually really good
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
