oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
