kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
