If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
