My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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