i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
