i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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