a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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