I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
