"it" just moved
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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