Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
