I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
