I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
