WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you win again, gameday.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
