I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
