HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
