Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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