You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
