i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
