we have pet lesbian snakes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
