i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
