make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
